And the pain’s been getting worse for a while now.
CNN has recently decided to bring a new program into its ranks. A certain John King, master of the “magic wall,” makes his appearance as the host of John King, USA, a segment dedicated to being “your daily destination for political news.” The only issue, as it happens to be, is that John King sucks at hosting. No, I’m serious. He’s not terrible, he’s not bad. He just sucks complete ass—now let me explain why.
Have you ever seen someone say something that only they thought was profound? So profound that they smile to themselves after saying it? John King seems to be a regular practitioner. Take a look at this dialogue.
The Qatari embassy says it was a routine visit to check in on one of his citizens, and embassies all around the world do that. So fair enough. But one would think that an Arab diplomat and one on his way to visit an convicted terrorist would know better than to illegally smoke on a plane and then in post-9/11 America make a joke about a shoe bomb. One would think. There is, though, a happy ending. With a nudge from the State Department, the Qatari embassy has decided it is best to send Al Madadi home. Not soon enough. (Source)
“Not soon enough?! ” Are you kidding me? One would think that CNN, a global news agency with its parent corporation taking in over $25.7 billion in revenue last year, would have a level of sophistication to actually report on the news and make valid commentary instead of snide remarks after every single sentence. One would think.
Now this wouldn’t really be a problem if John King, USA delivered on its promise to be my daily destination for political news. It doesn’t. Ignoring the fact that a) any commentary in the show is dry and juvenile and b) most—if not all—of the show’s content is a rehash of Wolf Blitzer’s The Situation Room (which occupies the slot prior to our friend John King), the show lacks any real format.
John King divides his program into shorter segments, along with specific times that each section will air—I guess so you can systematically determine which topics sound the shittiest so you can avoid them (protip: avoid all of them). Not to mention each section has it own theme, making it extremely difficult for me to tell that I’m even watching John King, USA if it wasn’t for the help of their retarded postmark graphic in the corner of every screen.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
And if it wasn’t bad enough already, Campbell Brown comes up next.
Sigh… Really, CNN? …Really? At least Lou Dobbs was entertaining and had a real show. I’ll take news, debate and opinion any day!
And so, all, I leave you with: this.
Because even in the darkest of hours, CNN couldn’t possibly get any worse.
(Please don’t get rid of Wolf Blitzer)